I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
