There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
