Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
