Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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