When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
