I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
