Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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