dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Randomize
