but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
