Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
