Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
