Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
