did you get engaged???
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
