What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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