just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
it wasn't lemon gatorade
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
