did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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