Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
