I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
