Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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