sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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