My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
birth control should be required to get into college
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
