The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
