i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
