If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
