***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
