last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
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