Someone shit on the floor
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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