That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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