it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
