So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
