apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She's the barista slut.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
