Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
