I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
