I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
