What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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