He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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