he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
