You can't special order awesome
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
