Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
