I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize