Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
