you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
