every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
