The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
