I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
