I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
