you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
