so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
