I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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