Where is the hickey?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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