I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
