Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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