We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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