Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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