Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
