And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
