I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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