uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
