I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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